I have been thinking a lot about work-life balance probably in response to all the good and challenging aspects of family life that seem to have converged this past year. More and more I want to be in many places at once, including work and Rochester and Hamilton and London. There was a time when I was very actively involved in advocating for work-life balance: better and more accessible child care, flexible work hours, meetings at times other than the start and end of the school day, job sharing. As I've listened to the challenges that Gena and Derek have faced trying to establish a routine that works for their two jobs, provides Ruby with nurturing care and still leaves time for family life and, of course, Daisy, I've been reminded how hard it is to find that balance and how easily it can be disturbed.

I surprised myself recently when my response to the announcement by the chief executive of Yahoo, Marissa Mayer, that everyone had to stop working from home and return to the office to keep their jobs didn't rise up immediately from my work-life balance roots. I can't believe I didn't see this as an outrage and a step backwards except that I have begun to see "family friendly" and the meaning of work in a different light.

At school there is currently a very strong cultural message from the top that we are a family friendly school. I believe this is a good thing. In a recent email explaining why I would be off campus for several hours yet again for Greg's doctor appointment, the response was, "I hope you know family comes first. Do whatever you need to do." This response, that I know is representative of the culture and not just a response to my particular need, made me feel completely secure to begin the day. Why then, have I been feeling that something about "work" is missing?

A family first culture creates an infrastructure based on the unique demands of individuals and their families; it puts the community need in the hands of those individuals who are present or focused on work at any particular moment.  I am not promoting a "company first" attitude, but I am questioning how you participate in a work community when the individuals you need to do the work are not easily accessible or available to one another. As family has become the valued priority, other things have changed. We have fewer meetings of key work groups, less time is dedicated to strategic or long-term planning, fewer conversations are about process, problem-solving and decision-making, and many fewer voices are heard within and on behalf of the community. Collaboration has become a goal not an expectation and showing up is still valued, but being fully present is not.

In the days when we thought working from home would help us to solve the need for child care or flexible work hours would allow us to sandwich work into the time frame demanded by family life, the balance placed extraordinary pressure on the individual family unit. The balancing act was keeping many balls in the air including the ball for work; often, the expectations of work productivity, participation and attendance didn't shift enough to relieve the stress of holding all those balls at once. The individual paid the ultimate price and the power in the workplace was held by the people who could show up at the right time and in the right place.